What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

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ajx423
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#11 Postby ajx423 » Sat Apr 19, 2014 1:18 pm

New in market..

Son of Sardar : Papa apko raste me 100 & 500 ka note pada hua mile to app kaunsa uthaoge ?

Sardar : Ofcourse Beta 500 ka ?

Son : Isi Liye hum Sardaro pe joke bante hain..Agarwal hota to Dono utha leta...! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#12 Postby Shivani » Sat Apr 19, 2014 12:02 pm

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday." :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#13 Postby Shivani » Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:11 pm

A new vacuum salesman knocked at the door….

A lady opened it. Before she could speak... The salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow * on the carpet.

Salesman: - Madam, if I couldn’t clean this up in the next 3 mins with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this *..!!

Lady: Do you need Chili Sauce with that?

Salesman: - Why Madam?

Lady: - Because there’s no electricity in the house...!!!

MORAL: - “Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client... & over smartness in India can be deadly.”.. :lol: :lol:

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KaranL
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#14 Postby KaranL » Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:58 pm

Before Election Arvind Kejriwal - Hum kisi party se nahi milenge and congress is the most corrupt party
After Election - AAP joins hands with Congress

Before Election - All ministers are corrupt
After Election - BJP should prove fraud against Ms. Sheila *

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KaranL
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#15 Postby KaranL » Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:20 pm

=============== ­­=======

सुना है कि गब्बर सिंह का किरदार भी किताबों मे पढ़ाया जाएगा, तो इसी विषय मे पेश है

- गब्बर सिंह का चरित्र चित्रण --

1. सादा जीवन, उच्च विचार:

उसके जीने का ढंग बड़ा सरल था. पुराने और मैले कपड़े, बढ़ी हुई दाढ़ी, महीनों से जंग खाते दांत और पहाड़ों पर खानाबदोश जीवन. जैसे मध्यकालीन भारत का फकीर हो. जीवन में अपने लक्ष्य की ओर इतना समर्पित कि ऐशो-आराम और विलासिता के लिए एक पल की भी फुर्सत नहीं. और विचारों में उत्कृष्टता के क्या कहने! 'जो डर गया, सो मर गया' जैसे संवादों से उसने जीवन की क्षणभंगुरता पर प्रकाशडाला था.

२. दयालु प्रवृत्ति:

ठाकुर ने उसे अपने हाथों से पकड़ा था. इसलिए उसने ठाकुर के सिर्फ हाथों को सज़ा दी.अगर वो चाहता तो गर्दन भी काट सकता था. पर उसके ममतापूर्ण और करुणामय ह्रदय ने उसे ऐसा करने से रोक दिया.

3. नृत्य-संगीत का शौकीन:

'महबूबा ओये महबूबा' गीतके समय उसके कलाकार ह्रदय का परिचय मिलता है। अन्य डाकुओं की तरह उसका ह्रदय शुष्क नहीं था। वह जीवन में नृत्य-संगीत एवंकला के महत्त्व को समझता था. बसन्ती को पकड़ने के बाद उसके मन का नृत्यप्रेमी फिर से जाग उठा था. उसने बसन्तीके अन्दर छुपी नर्तकी को एक पल में पहचान लियाथा. गौरतलब यह कि कला के प्रति अपने प्रेम को अभिव्यक्त करने का वह कोई अवसर नहीं छोड़ता था.

4. अनुशासनप्रिय नायक:

जब कालिया और उसके दोस्त अपने प्रोजेक्ट से नाकाम होकर लौटे तो उसने कतई ढीलाई नहीं बरती. अनुशासन के प्रति अपने अगाध समर्पण को दर्शाते हुए उसने उन्हें तुरंत सज़ा दी.

5. हास्य-रस का प्रेमी:

उसमें गज़ब का सेन्स ऑफ ह्यूमर था. कालिया और उसके दो दोस्तों को मारने से पहले उसने उन तीनों को खूब हंसाया था.ताकि वो हंसते-हंसते दुनिया को अलविदा कह सकें. वह आधुनिक युग का 'लाफिंग बुद्धा' था.

6. नारी के प्रति सम्मान:

बसन्ती जैसी सुन्दर नारी का अपहरण करने के बाद उसने उससे एक नृत्य का निवेदन किया. आज-कल का खलनायक होता तो शायद कुछ और करता.

7. भिक्षुक जीवन:

उसने हिन्दू धर्म और महात्मा बुद्ध द्वारा दिखाए गए भिक्षुक जीवन के रास्ते को अपनाया था.रामपुर और अन्य गाँवों से उसे जो भी सूखा-कच्चाअनाज मिलता था, वो उसी से अपनी गुजर-बसर करता था. सोना, चांदी, बिरयानी या चिकन मलाई टिक्का की उसने कभी इच्छा ज़ाहिर नहीं की.

8. सामाजिक कार्य:

डकैती के पेशे के अलावा वो छोटे बच्चों को सुलाने का भी काम करता था. सैकड़ों माताएं उसका नाम लेती थीं ताकि बच्चे बिना कलह किए सो जाएं. सरकार ने उसपर 50,000 रुपयों का इनाम घोषित कर रखा था. उस युग में 'कौन बनेगा करोड़पति' ना होने के बावजूद लोगों को रातों-रात अमीर बनाने का गब्बर का यह सच्चा प्रयास था.

9. महानायकों का निर्माता: ‪#‎confidential : P (Sholay Fan)

अगर गब्बर नहीं होता तो जय और वीरू जैसे लुच्चे-लफंगे छोटी-मोटी चोरियां करते हुए स्वर्ग सिधार जाते. पर यह गब्बर के व्यक्तित्व का प्रताप था कि उन लफंगों में भी महानायक बनने की क्षमता जागी.

Khyati123
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#16 Postby Khyati123 » Fri Nov 22, 2013 8:04 pm

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it." :lol: :lol:

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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#17 Postby Shivani » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:35 pm

Check out the funny and also the real fact behind it..
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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#18 Postby Shivani » Thu Jun 27, 2013 2:10 pm

A man is hiring for an accounting position, and is conducting interviews for each of the hopefuls. The first accountant walks in and starts to introduce himself.

Accountant1: I'm here for the accounting position

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant1: 4

Boss: get out

Sad, disappointed, and a little confused, the accountant slowly leaves the office. Then a new, fresh accountant comes in.

Accountant2: hey I'm here for the accounting position

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant2: 4

Boss: get out.

Just as confused as accountant1, number 2 leaves thinking that if the boss is that stupid he doesn't want to work there anyways. On the way out, a new accountant walks into the office.

Accountant3: hi, I'm here for accounting position

Boss: what's 2+2?

Accountant3: anything you want it to be.

Boss: you're hired.

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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#19 Postby Shivani » Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:07 pm

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?

“No” replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

“Thank God!” replied the trainee and kept the phone down….. :lol: :lol:

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Shivani
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Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#20 Postby Shivani » Mon Jun 17, 2013 12:34 pm

A very successful partner in a big firm had a peculiar habit. He would go to his desk everyday, open a locked drawer, look inside, lock the drawer again, and start his work. This continued for many days.

His subordinates knew that he hid the secret of his success in the drawer, they waited for the opportunity.

Then, one day when the partner had gone out of the city, the juniors decided to make a break.

They broke into the drawer, breathlessly, and looked inside. There was one small piece of paper inside - it said - “Left is debit and right is credit.”


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