What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

This forum is for General Discussions. Talk about everything from your favorite books and funniest jokes to politics and current events.
Message
Author
User avatar
KaranL
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#31 Postby KaranL » Tue May 07, 2013 9:22 am

One who wins without facing any problem,it's just VICTORY
But one who wins with lot of troubles,that's becomes HISTORY :) :)

User avatar
KaranL
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#32 Postby KaranL » Sat May 04, 2013 9:33 am

Boss : Why are you 2 hours late in the office .. :?:
Manager : Sir, I was on time..

Boss : Then why could not I see you .. :?:
Manager : Because I was not physically present here ..

Boss : Then how come you say, you are on time.. :?: :evil:
Manager : Sir, yesterday I met a priest, he said me no matter, where ever you physically are.. If your soul is thinking about something, its for sure you are there.. and Dear Sir, on my bed, my soul was thinking I am in the office .. 8-) :D

Boss Shocks, Manager Rocks :lol: :lol:

deepak
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:59 am

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#33 Postby deepak » Sat May 04, 2013 9:28 am

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh, “what starting salary were you looking for?”

The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?”

The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”
And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

User avatar
KaranL
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#34 Postby KaranL » Wed May 01, 2013 9:33 am

A MAN WAS SLEEPING IN HIS HOUSE. SUDDENLY YAMA (God of Death in HINDU Mythology) APPEARED & SAID, "GO OUT & ENJOY. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."

HE DID SO, MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED. IN HEAVEN, HE ASKED YAMA: "WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

YAMA REPLIED," SORRY SON, it's the MONTH END, HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGETS"

User avatar
avinash
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:01 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#35 Postby avinash » Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:32 am

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.

Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, “Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?”

The patient calls back, “One moment!” and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter’s level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, “It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.”

The man can’t help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, “That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?”

The patient holds up his wrist and says, “I suppose I’d just look at my watch.”

User avatar
avinash
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:01 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#36 Postby avinash » Wed Apr 24, 2013 10:08 am

How The Rich Get Richer

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, 'We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?' ...

The business man replied: 'Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?'.. ;) :lol:

deepak
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:59 am

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#37 Postby deepak » Mon Apr 22, 2013 10:17 am

Me and My Boss:

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don’t do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When I do it without being told, I’m trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, that’s brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that’s co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

User avatar
KaranL
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Feb 06, 2013 2:27 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#38 Postby KaranL » Tue Apr 09, 2013 9:25 am

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.

Office Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them.

User avatar
avinash
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:01 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#39 Postby avinash » Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:47 am

Work vs Prison

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON... you get three meals a day.
AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON... you get your own toilet.
AT WORK... you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON... all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
AT WORK... you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON... you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK... you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON... you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK... they are called managers.

So why is it, again, that we work?

User avatar
avinash
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:01 pm

Re: What is the funniest office joke you have ever heard?

#40 Postby avinash » Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:36 am

Solution for late comers

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

'Boss', he said, ' The pill actually worked!'

'That's all fine' said the boss, ' But where were you yesterday?'


Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests